Cabbage Patch

long before the Furby or the Tickle-Me Elmo caused holiday shopping riots, there was a hideous little doll that created mayhem wherever they sprouted. i dont remember wanting one, although i was barely 3 years old, so i dont remember alot of things, but my mom has recounted the story,

my Cabbage Patch doll came in a box busted, torn, and dented from the pulling of long, manicured nails. when it comes down to it, though, my mother was lucky to have gotten that jacked-up box to begin with. after waiting for hours for the Bradlees doors to open on that Black Friday in the early 80's, it was as if the instantaneous rush of shoppers sucked the air out of the building. every shopper, most of whom were ravenous women, headed at a full sprint to one of several heavily discounted or limited and rare items. it is an ambush, and once the horde of zombie housewives find the items at the top of their shopping list, that is when hell really breaks loose...

there are almost always more shoppers than items, especially if it is a big-ticket item with a limited availability. this is where the tug of war begins, as shoppers fight in the most literal sense of the word. it often turns to shoving, destroying items while fighting over them, and even trampling like the bulls in Pamplona.

my mother got a hold of one of these magical dolls, but not before being kicked and having her fair pulled in the pursuit... it has been roughly 25 years since the Cabbage Patch doll turned mothers into monsters, and because my mothers ordeal, we never actually opened the doll, and that never really bothered me... it sits in its original packaging in a cedar chest in the attic.

the unopened Cabbage Patch Kid box, im sure, holds the insanity and primal negativity of a christmas mob, and i am sure that  that feature alone will jack the price up ten fold, should i decide to put the doll on Ebay. i have no real memories associated with it, except for my mother returning home haggard from the intensity of the shopping trip with bags in hand.

...so if you are looking for a 1985 Cabbage Patch Kid that you dont want to have to sacrifice your dignity to aquire, then drop me a line.