anxious

i wish i wasnt such a teeth clencher. i catch myself when my molars start to send pain signals to my brain. shit. i'm doing it again. im off in another world, either replaying the past or predicting the future. the bottom line is that i am anxious.

my chest starts to ache. it comes in waves and sweeps down, through my abdomen. it feels like a sharp drop on a roller coaster, when it feels like your stomach becomes airborne inside your body. the world feels like it is moving faster than i am and that every one around me can see and hear how fucking crazy i am.

really, though. im just anxious. usually i am fine and am able to maintain control of my place in a particular space, but sometimes the pressure shoves the gauge toward overload and all i can really do is just hold my head and try not to die...

that sounds dramatic, im sure. believe me, i know that i am not going to die. panic attacks and acute anxiety can induce the feeling of being short of breath, having chest pains, and even feeling like you are dying, but medically- you are fine. honestly, though, ive been through it more times than i wish to count and the truth never really mattered when i was in the midst of trying to catch my breath and slow down my mind. it always feels horrible, no matter how much you know about it.

panic, or at least severe anxiety, has not been present much in my life lately. outside of the normal stressors that make even the most average of people nervous, i have learned to navigate around and sometimes even directly through the labyrinth that is anxiety.

as scared as i am about the prospect of panic and anxiety flooding my life again, i also have some confidence and strength when it comes to conquering tough situations. the 'toughest situation' might just be the presence of anxiety itself, and learning to walk through it. i stumble at times and find myself dealing with life with a fist through a wall. thankfully, those moments are incredibly few and far between at this point. i deal with those uncomfortable feelings with a knowledge and a belief that pain is temporary, and that it will pass...

it will always pass if you just allow it to travel through and out. the more tense you are, the more anxiety and negativity will remain in your brain.

you are just anxious. its no big deal.