challenge your shame and discomfort

Write in spite of your motivation (or lack thereof). Create even if you feel like you are working with nothing. Make commitments to honor your talent and stick to them...

Easier said than done, I know, but damn is it worth it. If one page out of 100 moves you and inspires you, then you have succeeded. As with photography, that chilling shot out of an entire group of throwaways is what makes the process worth it.

Lately, I have written a lot about NOT being able to write, about writers block, lack of creativity, and discouraging empty pages. It feels like a cop out, but it is my reality at this moment. All I know is that no matter how far into the dark I am reaching, I must not stop. I must not make excuses and I must not walk away without putting something, a word, a paragraph, a memoir, anything, down on the page.

Writing about my lack of motivation, and the frustration that comes with it is an uncomfortable truth to acknowledge, but what I have learned is that discomfort is often the key to the door of brilliance. We all know how to write about the things that we relate to, appreciate, and our grateful for. Those, quite often, are the easy things. Human truth comes from a darker, more primal place deep in the brain, and when it is pulled to the surface, it often invokes feelings of anxiety, discomfort, fear, guilt and shame, and the desire to run.

I questioned my limitations, wanting more than a daily planner with a tiny block in which to write the happenings of the day. I wanted to push past the wall I was stuck behind. My truth was much deeper than I was sharing, and that scared the shit out of me. What if death and grief, addiction and recovery, sexual identity, mental health issues and chronic loneliness were too much to share without fear and shame? What if my writing opens doors not ready to be opened?

What I have learned over the crucial last years of my 20's, however, is that discomfort is the key to true passion in writing. Writing about the stories that make my heart race, my head spin and my hands shake, I have realized, is what pulls the best of my craft out of me. My truths, even my darkest ones, leave me with a piece to be proud of, and the relief of pushing past the shame and fear.

The best writing comes from our fears, our shame, our discomfort, and our passions, yet we often step away from transcribing these stories from our mind to our empty pages.

Several of my mentors in life have instilled in me the following message: "If it makes you uncomfortable, explore it." Go deeper, following your fear, because that winding, treacherous road will lead you to relief, and the biggest breath of satisfaction you have ever experienced. Challenge your shame, and win. Be brave, and share it all, for no ones sake but your own.

sleep hygiene

Insomnia locks me to the couch, my eyes closing, my head bobbing. Sometimes I wake up suddenly with my forehead resting on the coffee table, or with my computer on my lap and nothing but gibberish and excessive punctuation looking back at me on the monitor. I know that I am tired, as I can barely move or keep my eyes open. My body is begging for rest, but no matter what I do, I cannot shut off my mind. It races with thoughts of the day, the days to come, and the ones that have past. The moments that have inspired and encouraged me, along with the ones that incited fear, shame, and heavy emotion are what keep me awake. It all twists and turns in my cranium, and the inability to put myself to bed without passing out in a sitting position with the lights and TV  still on. Believe me, that level of sleep is barely satisfactory and takes away the rejuvenating aspect of laying down in bed and essentially floating. Instead, my body poses in an unattractive twist, my neck is sore from hanging my head,

I am dedicated to learning how to better my life by improving my sleep hygiene. I never knew how significant sleep is until I seemingly lost the ability to do so.
....Aaaannnnnnd, my head is nodding, so I am going to practice what I preach and let my body and mind relax