nephew

i've never really known a child before, and never really cared to. i saw them as messy, loud, disruptive, and  needy. i had no desire for a child in my life until my nephew came along just over 2 years ago. from the moment i first saw him, i recognized a sense of love and beauty that i was not familiar with. i had never really loved a child, and i had certainly never felt such love and trust in return. i now consider it an honor and a part of my life that instills pride in me. to see this child smile and mouth my name through the blurry glass window is a gift i cannot imagine being topped. it is a gift i had no idea i would ever want. as he grows, he still seems like a young toddler, but i know that he has also done significant amounts of becoming a boy, a child, an adolescent, a young man. these things will happen even quicker than i have cared before. i just have to keep up with it all. i've never has something so significant to keep up with it before... 

today he calls me "Auntie Stephanie" in the clearest voice i could have ever imagined. he laughs and jokes with me on a level that seems and feels like a level higher than a two year old. his pediatrician confirmed that this child is ahead of all of his milestones. i couldnt be more proud. i also couldnt be more concerned and afraid about Jacob becoming a full-grown person. 

many times, young children turn into jaded, disconcerted adults, and that is the opposite of what i want for my nephew.