occasionally, entire days pass with no words. is it that i legitimately have nothing to say or is it that the words are stuck somehow, unable to pass from my brain to my paper? is it writers block? am i forcing these words right now? would i even know if i were forcing them or pulling them from an inauthentic place?
its one of the scariest situations i can imagine- not having my ink and my paper, and most importantly, not having my words. i dont know who i am without them. i have little confidence in the idea of a successful and independent future without writing. it is a craft that i was born with, much like a propensity for sports or math or technology.
i believe and i fear that even if i hone my skills to a perfect point, i may still miss the mark. i think every day about how to begin page one, or even word one. the first one is always the hardest. despite the discomfort and the fear of not measuring up, my options are either an uncomfortable journey to my future or the perpetual trip to nowhere.
i just cant settle. settling and walking away from the hope i have of being a successful writer is out of the question. its a casket, a last stop, a dead end. life begins, for me, on page one, but that may as well be light years away.
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