there is a smell that lingers on my skin and in my clothes. tiny shimmers appear and disappear in my hair. make-up smudges streak down my face, mixed with sweat and tears. on a deeper level, i am moved beyond description. i am emotionally gutted, as if i have just spent my body and soul in a sacred ritual. my body aches from my feet to my back, my arms and my ears... but my heart and brain are spinning as i catch my breath for the first time in hours and my eyes re-adjust to the light. it is always a sinking sensation, a trip back to reality, a situational depression. it is slow and heavy like mud traveling outwards, and it takes days for it to pass.
i see in flashes of white, brightly colored denim, fishnet stockings, and fire. i live in leather and vinyl, i take comfort in stage blood and glittering Flying V guitars. this world could easily have been created in my mind, in my wildest imagination- but its here. i have seen it, i have been there. it feels like i know every corner of the giant arenas i travel to, and every single piece of the ever-changing stage.
now dismantled, I see and feel it all through my television screen. it is a distant, two dimensional view but the sensations will never leave my brain. even on television, i see my friends and people i love and its like im right there with them. its real. its unbelievable... I will always covet that stage as the place where i left my heart.
by: Stephanie Picher
12/4/2011
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