Written 11/5/2007 by Stephanie Picher
"There are some times when I just can't think of how to put pen to paper. Tonight has been one of those nights, and I am fully aware that it all comes back to a fear of writing sub-par, and of writing something less than meaningful. I have, at times, become a prisoner to that fear, for it keeps me from really learning, from truly growing as a writer. I am afraid to explore and afraid to experiment with ideas and words and subjects. I am afraid to just write. In a sense, this struggle makes me realize just how much trouble I have centering myself and being in the moment. I can never just do or say or write something without looking at the line I wrote 5 minutes ago or contemplating how to end something I've written out of fear that if I keep it up, it will get worse. I edit what I already know is "good" writing because it is never good enough. If it is not "good enough", if it is not "perfect", then it is bad. It is an all-or-nothing frame of thinking that has gotten me in a world of trouble before.
One thing I have read in countless books on the subject is that in order to be a decent writer, one needs to be willing to "write badly". That idea is frightening to me, but the blinding truth is that my inability to "let go" is what keeps me stuck in a perpetual state of forced journaling, or writing solely so I don't lose the skill. It is control and self-will run rampant. I need to give myself the permission to lose control."
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